


Alexithymia

by prometheanTactician



Category: Homestuck, Mobsterswitch - Fandom, Problem Sleuth (Webcomic)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-07
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:16:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2095455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prometheanTactician/pseuds/prometheanTactician
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alexithymia: Difficulty in experiencing, expressing, and describing emotional responses.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alexithymia

It seems to be more and more often now that the nights end less with you dragging him through your window to beat him senseless, and more with him writhing beneath you, gasping against your lips. You're not sure if you like this more or less, but you must get something out of it, because you just keep on doing it. Whatever it is, you are immediately suspicious of and confused by it, and distracted from pondering it by the way Innovator leans into your touch.

You'll never understand that. It's so often that your hands leave him crying and bloody, but still he gravitates towards your touch, arches against your hands, the quiet sounds he makes sounding very different from the whimpers and sobs you used to hear. Once again, you do not know if you like this more or less.

You don't know how you feel about any of it, really. The way he clings to you, the way his lips press against yours, or against any part of you they can reach, the way his hands run down your back. Logically, physically, you can determine that it is... pleasant. But more than the physical, you can tell you're feeling... something, but what that something actually is is beyond you. Out of your reach. Dancing in your peripheral, a word on the tip of your tongue. Right there. But you just can't seem to grasp it.

It's infinitely frustrating, just like everything else about him. But also like everything else about him, you can appreciate the challenge. You take out the frustration in biting his lip so hard it bleeds, and rather than yell or pull away he just mewls and lets you suck on the wound. You can't tell if the way you kiss him after that is softer or not, and if it is you do not know why it would be.

You think he knows. Or, you know that he thinks he knows. One or the other. If it's the former, than it irks you that he can identify your emotions when you can't. If it's the latter, then you will chalk it up to his own delusions. You kiss down his neck, bite at the skin. His hips rise off the bed, pressed against you, and you can feel that he's hard. But he doesn't do anything about it. He never does. He lets you dictate whether or not things proceed in that direction, respectful of the fact that it takes very specific conditions for you to get to that point, and that you are not always comfortable with it. You can't tell what you feel about the way he's so accommodating. You're not sure if you appreciate it or just think he's pathetic.

Your hands slide down his sides, to his belt, and you pull back as you undo the buckle. You can tell he's trying his best not to seem relieved, or anything that could possibly pressure you into this (as if he could ever force you to do something, even if he wanted to), and you kiss him hard on the mouth in a surge of... There it is again. That same thing. Just out of your reach. The kiss is almost violent, and the pressure against the previous bite makes him whimper, but when you pull back and look down at him, you think you know what it is you're feeling.

Your name is Deadeye Detective, and you love this brilliant asshole. 

You continue to love him a bit later as you begin to fuck him, when he calls your name, when he leaves scratch marks down your back. You continue to love him as you reluctantly allow him to cuddle you afterwards, and you think it's because you love him that you tend to his need for contact afterwards rather than your own wish to not be touched.

You take a short break in loving him a week later when the Scoundrels go on a murder spree.


End file.
